


Innocence

by Shinocchi



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Character Study, Childhood, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Frottage, Gift Fic, Light Bondage, M/M, POV Multiple, Post-Canon, Praise Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:11:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9334658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: Koujaku knew nothing about Noiz's childhood. Every time he's to ask, Noiz would always brush him off, telling him that it's nothing important for him to know. Despite that, he's given a chance -- a chance to know more about how Noiz really was as a kid, from none other but Noiz himself.A discussion about children and a night of heated lovemaking later, Koujaku found himself waking up to seeing Noiz as a kid, having to take care of him and in turn, finding out more truth about him at the same time.Canon Divergence; a commissioned piece.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [so-chintzy (HuasenButter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuasenButter/gifts).



> This story is commissioned by **so-chintzy** with the prompt Koujaku spending time with child Noiz, in which I added some plot into it and wrote it into a way where a chance is given to Koujaku to understand how Noiz once was as a kid. 
> 
> Thank you very much for commissioning me! I absolutely love this verse, thank you so much for giving me the chance to write this piece :D I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
> 
> My commission is still and will always be opened! [You can find out more details here](http://shinocchidesu.net/commission)! Feel free to contact me via [Tumblr/Website](http://shinocchidesu.net/), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/shinocchidesu). or simply write me a mail to shinocchidesu@gmail.com if you have anything you'd like to read. Everything's negotiable! :D
> 
> Lastly, thank you for reading and kudos & comments are always greatly appreciated if you enjoyed the story :D

He remembered nothing from his childhood. It was just… dark, isolated; nothing more than that. There was no sense of life, nor hope. And everything he’d been looking forward to was nothing more than a knock on the door, or a small voice that could only suggest his brother. He never knew what he did wrong, or if it was simply the fact that he hadn’t been living up to his family’s expectations that had contributed to the consequences he had to face when he was young. All he knew was that he was a ‘bad boy’, a ‘family disgrace’, and all sorts of things that suggested of nothing but profound remorse his family had towards his existence. It was when he came to know more about himself that he thought that perhaps he needed to fix things to set everything on the right path again. Not with his family. Not yet. But to fix himself – to find a reason for his existence, to find _value_ in his very existence.

So, he set out on a journey – a self-discovery phase he very much needed.

 

* * *

 

Hands tucked in his pants pockets, he walked down the street, his legs bringing him to where he intended without much conscious given. Ever since Koujaku opened his very own physical shop, Noiz found it a part of his life to be walking the same route down to where it was. He wasn’t at all surprised when he came to stand in front of that very shop, peeking inside just very fleetingly before he pushed his way in.

“Welco—oh, it’s you!”

That familiar voice, familiar shade of red, and familiar smile – everything so dazzling, everything so upbeat. Despite the dark nature of his hair, Koujaku never failed to outshine the layer of dimness, coating it over with his natural vigour, and perforating some sort of surreal light into Noiz that he never knew he very much needed. He merely smirked, making his way towards a couch in the corner of the room, treating the space perfectly like his own house.

He could see the sceptical look on Koujaku’s customer when he walked into the room, but it’s none of his concern. He’d been receiving a lot of it ever since he became too close with Koujaku – on the streets, in the shop like this. Everywhere they went, Koujaku was always being surrounded by women. It’s not like Noiz minded at all, but he never liked noise – as ironic as it might have sounded – and despite him showing it on his face clear as day, he had zero intention to request Koujaku to do something about it. _He_ was the one intruding Koujaku’s life after all, there’s absolutely no reason whatsoever for him to be interfering with his usual lifestyle.

But Koujaku was a sharp man, as he always thought he was. He’d confront Noiz when he became too quiet, throwing speculations after speculations from the day’s happening just to find out what was the cause of his silence. And despite Noiz denying them over and over again, he’d find Koujaku making a slight change from his usual behaviour, something he thought that might reassure Noiz better.

It’s ironic thinking about the change that had happened between them, especially when Noiz was reminded of his very impression when he first met Koujaku – annoying, stubborn, old-fashioned. But what surpassed his initial perception was the hidden layer of enthusiasm, fervent, and _concern_ that’d caught him off guard. He was drawn to him for some reason, and now, he knew perfectly well why it was.

“Just a bit,” Koujaku said to him. “This is the last one.”

He didn’t respond. It’s not like they’re rushing anywhere anyway. Koujaku could take all the time he needed and he wouldn’t mind the slightest. Koujaku probably knew it as well. It’s all his courteous habit that's making the speech for him and Noiz knew well enough not to be too engrossed over it.

“Koujaku-san, would you be around tomorrow too?” the customer Koujaku was attending to asked, as if trying to pull Koujaku’s attention back to herself.

“Hmm, should be,” Koujaku said insouciantly, hands working on her hair.

“I have a friend who’d like to drop by,” she continued.

“Sure,” Koujaku responded. “Okay, I think you’re done.”

He held the mirror up for her to see from the back, smiling all the way.

“Thank you, Koujaku-san, perfect as usual.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“So, tomorrow, okay?” she said before she left.

“Sure,” Koujaku repeated.

She left with another glance at Noiz’s direction, one that Noiz averted on purpose. They’d never made their relationship clear to anyone, he wasn’t at all surprised by how suspicious they’d be towards how close he’d become with Koujaku, especially when Rhyme and Rib were never seen to be on the same frontline.

“Sorry.” Koujaku walked towards him, one hand patting him on the head, with a wide grin on his face. “Waited for long?”

“Not really.” Noiz brushed his hand off his head. It was the truth. By now, he’d come to know Koujaku’s schedule like the back of his hand. There’s no point for him to come in earlier, so he’d chosen the perfect time to drop by so that he wouldn’t need to wait for too long.

“Now I just need to clear up and—oh, you’ve already done it.”

Noiz smirked at his direction. Seriously? After so many times, was Koujaku really unable to tell Noiz’s habitual behaviour by now? He stood up, walking to the door before he stopped and turned around.

“We’re going back, right?”

Koujaku smiled. He picked his sword off the corner of his shop, and said, “Yeah, let’s go home.”

They never held hands, at least not in public. They walked side-by-side, sometimes Koujaku walked further in front of Noiz, sometimes the opposite. They were fine like this, simply walking, minding their own business, yet knowing that they had each other by their side regardless of how distracted they could be. It’s how they worked anyway. Sometimes, Noiz would disappear for days just for Koujaku to find him lying on his bed one day, clearly exhausted for reasons unknown. He never asked, never probed on him, and Noiz would eventually tell him.

He always would.

“Koujaku-san!”

They stopped their steps upon hearing the call. Koujaku turned, Noiz watched from over his shoulder, as they found two girls rushing up towards them, both with perky grins on their faces.

“We thought we’d miss you!”

“Hey,” Koujaku greeted briefly.

“We wanted to know if you’ll be around tomorrow?” one of them asked, eyes glinting with obvious anticipation.

“Tomorrow, huh?” It’s the same question Koujaku’s customer had been asking him back in his shop. It’s always the same question. “I should be.”

“Great!” the other girl said. “We’d like to drop by.”

“Didn't you come just last week?” Koujaku laughed.

“W-well, I need some trimming! Look at these split ends, Koujaku-san!” she countered, lifting her hair up to show Koujaku what appeared to be hair that needed no trimming.

“Ah, okay then,” Koujaku said. He obviously noticed it as well, but it’s always a courteous need to pull up a proper response to avoid awkwardness. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Okay! Tomorrow, then!”

Noiz was like some sort of air when it came to situations like this. It’s either because Koujaku had been so striking he completely overshadowed him, or it could be that he was so quiet no one ever recognized his existence but he was fine with either. He didn’t need to summon any unnecessary courtesy like Koujaku did, and he never wanted to anyway. Sometimes he wondered how Koujaku could be so tolerant when it came to things like that. It’s a complete opposite from how he worked, and perhaps that’s why he was drawn towards the older man as well – thanks to the eccentric difference he possessed.

With a wave of hand, Koujaku bid them farewell, returning to where Noiz was waiting. He was about to say something, but Noiz was quicker.

“Same ol’,” he merely said.

“Haha,” Koujaku chuckled bitterly. “Yeah.”

They stopped in front of a restaurant. Koujaku waited as Noiz walked into it, taking away their dinner, coming out just to see Koujaku with yet another woman.

Only that, this time, it’s not just one woman, but with a child.

Noiz halted in his steps upon seeing the scene – Koujaku smiled as he patted the little girl's head, her mother chuckled softly from something Koujaku was telling her, while the child blushed, visibly flustered. He wasn’t sure if he should walk to them right now. For some reason, something was bothering him from within, an emotion he experienced way too frequently ever since he ended up with Koujaku.

While he staggered, Koujaku had noticed him, one second too late for him to go into hiding.

“Noiz!” he waved. With no other option left, he walked towards them, all the time wondering if he should at least attempt a smile seeing how they had an actual child with them.

“Let me introduce you – this is Kanako-san, Noiz,” Koujaku said.

“Nice to meet you,” the woman – Kanako – smiled and bowed a tad. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Koujaku-san.”

“She’s a regular,” Koujaku grinned. “Oh, and, this is her daughter, Kaoru.”

Noiz looked down, meeting the little girl in the eyes. Immediately, she hid behind her mother, even when Noiz did absolutely nothing at all.

“She’s shy,” Kanako chuckled. “It’s nice seeing you around, Koujaku-san, I hope business is good for you?”

“The same ol’,” Koujaku said.

“I should stop by some day,” she continued. “I hadn’t been visiting since you opened your shop.”

“Well, you’re busy, especially when you have a kid to take care of,” Koujaku conjured a cheerful grin in response. “I hope your husband is doing well?”

“He is, thank you for asking,” Kanako grinned perkier at the mention of her husband. “He’s been having some hard times at the beginning but ever since we have her,” she stroked lovingly on her daughter’s hair. “things have been moving towards a better direction now.”

“I see, that’s good,” Koujaku smiled. “You know you can always ask me if you ever need anything.”

“We wouldn't want to bother you but we appreciate the thought,” she mirrored Koujaku’s smile.

She felt different from any other women Noiz had seen approaching Koujaku. Was this what would happen if someone was to become a parent? Would _they_ change too if they ever become parents themselves?

He stood rooted on the spot the entire time Koujaku was conversing with the woman. While he felt out of place, he came to notice the constant gaze the little girl was giving him. She seemed as if she wanted to say something, but even until when they finally bid their farewell, she said nothing – merely stared.

“Her husband used to be one of Benishigure’s members,” Koujaku said as they continued their way home. “I was shocked when he said he’s getting married. He’s… you know, he doesn’t look like a husband, nor a father, but we can’t really judge a person by their appearance, right?”

Koujaku laughed at his own joke, but that wasn’t what had been disturbing Noiz for the entire time now.

“What do you think about children?” he asked, completely switching the conversation into a different direction.

Koujaku was visibly taken aback but he took his time, considering Noiz’s question.

“Children… huh? I don’t mind them, but I don’t think I’ll be getting one ever.”

That stung Noiz critically in the heart. It was a sort of weight sitting in his chest, a sort of frustration that he never knew the reason for. He knew precisely why Koujaku’s answer was so – it was because of him. And he wasn’t sure if he should feel happy or remorseful for this life-turning event he’d caused Koujaku.

“Don’t think too hard,” Koujaku ruffled his hair when they stepped into Koujaku’s house. He was easy to see through, that’s what Koujaku had always been telling him. He wasn’t sure if it’s supposed to be a good thing, but he figured he might as well accept the comfort Koujaku wanted to give him at times like this.

“I don’t mind either, but I don’t think that matters more than being able to look after you.”

Noiz smirked. While Koujaku sat on the bed, taking his shirt off and was about to stand to head for shower, Noiz inched closer, practically hovering over him and pulling their distance close.

“I’m not a brat, but I might as well be one,” he teased. Koujaku was never good when he did this on purpose. He was conscious enough to know that he was never a spoiled brat like how Koujaku loved to call him, but sometimes – like now – he’d go over the border just so he could tease his partner. It worked – it always did.

“You’re always a brat to me,” Koujaku mocked with a laugh.

“Well, I’m your brat, no?” Noiz said. He indulged in the way faint hint of blush had made its way onto Koujaku’s cheeks the moment he said that, enjoyed the small gasp he had to swallow when he pressed in and kissed him on the lips.

Something that had happened on that day triggered him. Was it how he found Koujaku being admired over and over again that was pricking his nerves? But that’s something that happened on a daily basis, also something he’d come to get used to. Was it the mention of children? That encounter with the woman in front of the restaurant, her daughter, and the fact that Koujaku wasn’t able to have a child on his own because he’d ended up with Noiz now? He clicked his tongue. This was it -- the source of his frustration.

He thought he could do absolutely everything, that there’s nothing he couldn’t do if he was to put his heart into it. But his body wasn’t his to decide, there were things that were way out of his own control, the very fact hitting him hard on his head like a falling brick. He pushed Koujaku down, causing the other man to fall on his back on the bed, then leaning down, his hands gripping firmly on the hems of his kimono and kissing him deeply again.

He didn’t know what to do with this aggravation burning him from the inside, neither did he know if there’s an actual solution for the situation he’s in now. Koujaku had clearly told him that he’s fine without children but there were images in Noiz’s head – of how Koujaku’s child would look like if he had one, how _their_ child would look like if they had one – that were provoking him out of his own conscious.

But it’s impossible. Koujaku knew, he knew. They never dared to think about it, let alone yearn for one.

“Oi, Noiz,” Koujaku pushed slightly on his shoulders while he pandered in raw actions, trying hard to distract himself from unnecessary thoughts. “What’s the matter with you?”

Noiz stopped. He straightened himself up, staring into Koujaku’s eyes. He was being carried away. He was considering too much. He wasn’t himself.

He closed his eyes, taking slow breath to rekindle his composure. He shouldn’t be bothered by petty things like this. They'd talked about it. That should be it.

“Let’s do it?” he asked, as blunt as ever. Koujaku let out two loud coughs, averting Noiz’s gaze just momentarily before he returned his ardent gaze.

“This over dinner, huh?” he teased, swallowing down his throat when Noiz pulled on his tie, about to stripe himself off his clothing.

“Dinner can wait,” Noiz said briefly, a bit too impatient, a bit too quick.

“Sure,” Koujaku said, sarcasm thick in his tone. He stopped Noiz’s hands when he was about to throw his tie away, taking them back so that he could lift the lime-green cloth from his hand. “I don’t know what’s the matter with you but I’m thinking perhaps you should cut yourself some slacks sometimes.”

Noiz perked a curious eyebrow, eyeing Koujaku all the way when Koujaku sat up, cupping Noiz’s face with one hand and planting an ephemeral kiss on his lips next.

“I’ll let you do whatever you want today, if that could help to get rid of those noise in your head.”

Noiz simpered. He really should stop underestimating Koujaku. They’d been together for a few months now, and Koujaku was sharp anyway. It’s only a matter of time for him to discover how troubled Noiz was even without the need for Noiz to tell him.

He fondled a thumb on the back of Koujaku’s hand, the one that was holding his tie, another hand lifting the cloth up and enfolding it around his own wrist.

“Make sure I can’t do whatever I want then,” he said ominously, the light in his eyes as dark as his voice.

Koujaku responded with a smirk, one that Noiz had come to love, one that Noiz had recognized as a switch flipped on.

“As you wish,” was all Koujaku said before he picked his tie up and draped it steadfastly around both of Noiz’s wrist, confining the freedom of his hands.

Losing control was never his forte. He’d always been too conscious over everything he was doing – even during sex. Koujaku’s fervour was wild and rough, the way he loved it; yet there’d always come a time when he found himself hesitating at the borderline between losing his sanity or holding onto it. It was a sort of guilt he’d misplaced in a very far corner in his brain, forgetting about its existence and never thought it’d surface again. He never considered happiness, he never dared to ask for it. Even when he’s with Koujaku, he never knew if he’d ever experienced true happiness before, or everything was simply a deception of a gratification both their bodies and emotional states needed.

Koujaku slid his hands down to unbuckle his belt as he sat on his abdomen and gasping under his breath when Koujaku pulled his dick out, still soft.

“I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out but today’s about you, I guess,” Koujaku chuckled blithely. He fondled with the piercings on Noiz’s dick, caressing the hard metal materials with fingers so delicately long and beautiful. Then, as he wrapped his palm around the whole of Noiz’s dick, he leaned upwards, finding where Noiz’s mouth was and engulfed him in a soul-sucking kiss.

Noiz needed more than anyone else to get completely aroused – it’s something Koujaku had learned after the many times they shared bodies. His sensations were dull, physiological reactions weren’t the best way for him to react, and that’s why Koujaku had always been focusing on giving him _more_ than that – something more that physical, something that was emotional. They entangled their tongues, tasting each other scent, swallowing every sound they were to make. One hand still pumping hard and rough on Noiz’s dick, he used his other free hand to lash Noiz on the cheekbone, then diving his fingers into Noiz’s hair. Eventually, his hand was on the back of Noiz’s head, pulling him over so that he could deepen the kiss, their lips crushing so hard against each other enough to bruise. When he bit on Noiz’s lower lip, Noiz let out a low moan, his dick becoming harder and harder in Koujaku’s hand. Pre-cum streamed along his slit, along the head of his dick, and damping Koujaku’s fingers, making his motion easier at the same time. At long last, it’s when Koujaku pulled on the piercings on his balls that he pulled the kiss forcefully away, expression flustered with evident arousal as he shot a misty pair of dark lusted eyes in Koujaku’s direction.

“Enough…” he said through panted breath. Struggling with his constrained hand movements, he set Koujaku’s belt loose, pulling the zipper down and took his solid hard dick out, smirking sinisterly at the aroused sight of Koujaku’s completely wet head.

“Doesn’t seem like I need to prepare you anyhow,” he teased.

“Shut up,” Koujaku interrupted. He stretched a hand towards the drawer of his bedside table, taking a half-bottled lube out and threw it into Noiz’s hands. “Now you do it yourself and make sure you’re completely ready.”

He definitely did it on purpose. But it’s not like Noiz minded it anyway. The bondage was inconvenient for his movements, but he could manage the slick material of lube on his hands, coating two of his fingers wet then lifting his body off Koujaku’s so that he could bring his fingers to where his hole was.

For the entire time, all Koujaku did was watch, Noiz’s dick pressed against Koujaku’s, as if using it as a support as he sank one finger into his tight passage.

With a truncated groan, he pushed himself deeper, finding for a spot.

“Slowly,” Koujaku breathed, voice thick with profound need. “Don’t rush it.”

But Noiz couldn’t help it. He _wanted_ Koujaku. He _needed_ him inside of him, just so he could remind himself that regardless of whatever insecurities he could possess, he was the only person who could make Koujaku feel good the way he loved it.

He gasped out loud when a second digit was added alongside his first, sweat beading on his forehead, trickling down his cheeks as Koujaku kissed them away, one arm encircling around Noiz’s waist and giving him the support he needed.

“Slowly…” Koujaku whispered by his ear. “Yeah… that’s it, push it deeper.”

Koujaku was the one who’d always done this for him, of course he’d know it better than him. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t been doing this for himself either. Impatience had been his greatest enemy today. If it wasn’t for Koujaku, he wouldn’t bother preparing himself like this – it’s taking way too long, wasting way too much time.

He felt a kiss on his cheek, then a lick on his ear shell when both of his fingers were seated compactly in him. The tie binding his wrist now damped with both of their body liquid, dark spots glazing the whole of the cloth material.

“Move slowly, yes, you’re doing it good.”

Koujaku guided him all the way, using a sort of low-slung whisper that was an intention of seduction. And Noiz found himself falling vulnerably into it, letting his voice coating abundant layers of lust in his head, snatching his composure away.

“Good, you’re learning fast, Noiz,” Koujaku complimented when his fingers sank into him, deep until his knuckles hit his hole, as he pulled them out again just to push them back in, as deep as he could reach.

“Now, go faster,” Koujaku trailed. His hand had returned to Noiz’s dick, holding both of their dicks together as he rubbed, crudely and aggressively. The heads of their dick rolled against each other and Noiz found himself being carried away with fingering himself, the sensations of lust overriding every part of his nerves, giving him no space whatsoever to breathe. He closed his eyes, completely overwhelmed, and welcomed Koujaku’s tongue with profound anticipation into his mouth. The wet sounds coming from below him, alongside the obscene sound of their wet kiss were the only things they could hear. They were slicked with sweat, with each other’s body liquids and it was when he was nearing the edge that he stopped moving, breathing cripplingly.

“Ready?” Koujaku breathed between pants.

Noiz nodded. He lifted himself up again, pulling his fingers out in the process. Using both of his hands, he rubbed his wet palms against Koujaku’s dick, damping the entire length of it before he steered it to press against his hole.

“Careful,” Koujaku reminded, his words cut short when the head of his dick made its way right into the rings of Noiz’s muscles.

No words were ever enough for Noiz to express how he felt, having something so hot, so thick, and so big inside of him. His sensations were still dull, but the visual stimulation of Koujaku lying right below him, his hands on his thighs, his eyes fixed pungently on his as he rode him was a sight more than enough for him to feel the urgent need to feel _more_ of Koujaku. Koujaku could break him at this very moment and he wouldn’t mind a bit. Koujaku could mark him and make him his over and over again and he wouldn’t say anything to stop him. He sat on Koujaku’s dick, feeling it stretching him apart from the inside, hearing his own simmered moans slipping out of his lips as he’s submerged in the sensation of being penetrated. It’s hard to breathe, his vision went black when he tried as much as taking a deeper breath. His hands were pressed against Koujaku’s chest when Koujaku was fully seated in him, sweat dripping from his body and landing on Koujaku’s torso.

“Are you okay?” Koujaku asked. He responded with a nod – that’s all that he could afford to do now. “Can you move?”

He tried – pulling himself up and pushing himself down, the slickness of his inside easing his action with every motion he made.

“Argh, yes, k-keep doing that, Noiz, you’re doing good.”

He’d love to, even without Koujaku asking him to. With his eyes stuck on Koujaku’s aroused expression – the way he closed his eyes tight, gritting his teeth when Noiz squeezed him too hard from the inside, and how he breathed open-mouthed, heated air of arousal pulling a strong sense of seduction between them – he continued thrusting Koujaku’s dick into him, completely using it as a form of getting himself off. He almost came then and there when Koujaku gripped onto his own dick, towing at the piercings on the head of it as he scratched his nails into Koujaku’s chest, creating more scars on top of his old wounds. It didn’t matter if it hurts, Koujaku had once told him. It didn’t matter even if Noiz was to create a scar on his body that would never heal. None of those mattered as long as they’re something from Noiz.

His motions only became more and more destructive across time, the rough pumping of Koujaku’s hand on his dick in perfect synchronization with his movement. Then, with a firm squeeze on his head, he came, spilling semen all over Koujaku’s chest, smearing white over Koujaku’s dark tattoos before he felt a surge of warm liquid coating all over his raw inside. He collapsed, his body overworked, chest pressed against his own semen on Koujaku’s torso as he rested his head in between the crook of Koujaku’s neck and shoulder.

“You’re amazing,” Koujaku mumbled by his ear. “Man, I feel like I’d grow old faster if we’re to do this every day.”

“Have I done well?” Noiz asked, a question blurted out of his own conscious.

“You did, you’ve done perfectly well. You have and will always be a perfect child, Noiz.”

Did Koujaku say that out of his own conscious too? This very afterglow they shared, this very intimate interaction even after their climax – everything of these were truth they never brought themselves to speak it out loud, especially not to each other.

But for some reason, whatever Koujaku said – intentionally or not – spread a sort of warm gratification into Noiz’s chest. It’s as if he’d been waiting forever for Koujaku to spill these exact words to him, as if that’s the only things he needed to hear from him.

They didn’t need a child, he thought as he indulged in the comfortable sensation of Koujaku’s fingers brushing adroitly on his fine strands of hair. They only needed each other.

 

* * *

 

His experience with children was limited, the only vivid encounter was with Aoba when they were still young, and that was all. He wouldn’t say that he’s great with children either, even though he never had problems dealing with them. It wasn’t like he’d stumbled upon many children anyway, so he could never tell if he could handle one well. Noiz had made him think. Did he ever consider of the possibilities for him to have his own child? The answer was no. He never thought about it, the mere idea sounded like something he would never have the chance to encounter in this life of his. It had absolutely nothing to do with Noiz, though, despite what Noiz was to think. Being a parent required copiousness of responsibility and he wasn’t sure if he would ever be prepared for that. Being a partner to someone else was already a guilty wish-come-true, and he’d never dared to ask for more.

He brought the thought to sleep with him, pondering, weighing the questions. And when he woke, he was still thinking about it as he stared at his ceiling, wondering if having a child – or even simply to take care of one – would make any difference to him whatsoever.

He turned to his side, expecting to see Noiz, just to find himself gawking at… Noiz, but a Noiz that he never knew.

He sprung up, now completely awake as he ogled, jaw dropped, at the very sight in front of him.

Sleeping by his side was undoubtedly Noiz, but this Noiz was… way smaller than he remembered him to be. He looked young, perhaps around six or seven of age, and for a long time, Koujaku could only stare, until he rubbed his eyes, falling back to his pillow and closed his eyes, concluding this to be a dream.

He was thinking about children, sure. But he didn’t expect himself to actually _dream_ about it – with Noiz being a child, nevertheless. This is all Noiz’s fault, he silently thought to himself. If he hadn’t been so distressed with all of these, he wouldn’t influence Koujaku to be thinking about it himself too. He simply needed to fall asleep again, and then he would wake up facing a completely normal Noiz, with his bed hair and flippant stare.

But a small thud against his back immediately pushed the plan out of his mind. A dream can’t be so vivid, no? He never had this kind of dream before, and no matter how surreal this sounded, this is simply… too _real_ to be a dream.

He turned again, this time, properly facing Noiz. Noiz was still asleep when he came face-to-face with him. He snored softly, tiny hands curling by his face, his hair messy and standing on all ends. He looked exactly like Noiz, just… younger. While Koujaku stared, he shifted a tad, small frown forming in between his eyebrows before he opened his eyes, lime-green orbs met his own red ones.

“G-good morning,” he said out of reflex. He attempted a smile, but decided that it’s way too much of a challenge for him now.

The small boy gazed, wide-eyed, before he hastily sat up.

“I… I don’t know what happened too,” Koujaku quickly said, sitting up himself. “I didn’t do anything, I swear. I woke and find you in this state and—“

The boy’s initial shocked expression soon turned into one of mortification when he shuffled his way backwards, almost falling off the bed if Koujaku hadn’t lurched forward to pull him back by the wrist.

“Woah, careful,” he said. Noiz fell right into his laps, small body fit perfectly in between his legs before he struggled himself out of Koujaku’s grasp.

“Who are you?” His voice was a higher pitch than the usual one Koujaku was familiar with. But that was the least of his concern now. The fact that Noiz had thrown such a question at him told him perfectly well that this dream was becoming more and more surreal with every passing moment.

“I’m Koujaku,” he said. “You’re Noiz.”

“Noiz…?”

“Yeah,” Koujaku said. “And we’ve been staying together for three months now.”

“I… stay with you?” Noiz repeated.

Koujaku nodded.

“You’re…?”

“I’m…” Koujaku paused. He couldn’t possibly tell a kid that he’s his partner, it’d be too much for a kid this young to stomach. “You could say that I’m your guardian.”

“Guardian?” Noiz tilted his head, considering what Koujaku was saying.

“Yeah,” Koujaku responded, finally managed to pull up a smile. “I’m your guardian, I take care of you.”

Noiz merely stared when Koujaku patted him on the head, a grin drawn on his face. He could sense the distrust in his eyes but was completely distracted by the stronger shadow of innocence that he’d never seen before in Noiz’s eyes.

Noiz fell silent after that, no longer know what else to say. He was visibly confused, but Koujaku wasn’t any better. Despite so, Koujaku was the adult now, and like how Koujaku had phrased it, he’s Noiz’s _guardian_ , so he should be the one making the initiative to make things less tormenting for the both of them.

He didn’t know what’s going on. But if this was a dream – or a chance to prove how well he could be with a child – he might as well make full use of it.

“Anyway,” he broke the silence. “Since we’re awake now, shall we do something together today?”

“Do something together?” Noiz said, lime-green eyes kindled with a different shade of eagerness, something that sparked Koujaku’s enthusiasm grander.

“Yup,” Koujaku said, ruffling Noiz on the hair. “We could go out together, hmmmm, meet people, I guess.”

“I can… go out?”

For some reason, the very idea of bringing him out triggered a sort of elation from the small boy as he asked again.

“Sure, I’ll bring you anywhere you want,” Koujaku smiled gently, a form of reassurance.

“I can go out,” Noiz repeated. His grin brightened, he raised himself up, pulling himself closer to Koujaku. “Okay.”

Koujaku never knew how Noiz was when he was a kid. But a kid’s world was way different than how an adult’s should be. And at this very moment, all he was looking at was a child who had yet to go through the various life challenges that he was bound to meet – a child that was still untainted, and above all, a Noiz he had never gotten to know.

           

How does one take care of a child, anyway? Koujaku wondered all the way ever since he woke, the very first challenge being having to find clothes small enough to fit the boy. At the end, he had to knock on his neighbour’s door, coming up with an excuse that sounded suspicious enough before the young lady borrowed him a pair of clothes that could fit Noiz perfectly. His next challenge fell upon him when he tried to cook, speculating about food a kid needs for growth and settling with milk and bread with toast at the end of all his considerations, a typical choice. Noiz wore the clothes with no complaints, he ate everything to the last bit of it without saying anything, causing Koujaku to wonder if everything was really fine or if he was simply being a worrywart. But the gleam on Noiz face when he wore his shoes for him at the door, and the small, steady clutch Noiz returned him when he held his hand scrubbed all his edginess out of his mind, simply concluding that a child’s world was just like that – easy to satisfy, with no unreasonable demands without knowing how much more the world could offer them.

He once suspected if Noiz came from a well-off family when they got closer after the Platinum Jail incident. Noiz never talked about his background anyway, let alone his family, and he presumed that he simply needed more time to break everything to him. Despite knowing literally nothing of who Noiz really was, he could tell how tough it was already for him simply from the scars he’d seen on his body, as well as the attitude of him pushing the world out of his door before Koujaku came to know him better. The world must have betrayed him at some point of time, and he knew it’s a sensitive issue for him to ask. It’s not something he should probe at, and he trusted Noiz to tell him when he’s ready. But the lack of knowledge in regards to his background now posed a challenge for Koujaku to figure out the right way to treat this young Noiz that was obviously from a time when he still had his family with him.

Should he ask? he pondered to himself for the countless times that day. He probably should.

“Do you always spend time outside with your family?” he asked, wording his question as thoughtfully as he could.

Noiz didn’t respond for a while, and when he did, it came in a form of small mutters, a voice that Koujaku needed to strain his ears to catch every word.

“Used to,” Noiz said. “With my brother. But no more.”

“What do you mean by no more?”

“I’m a bad child,” Noiz explained, in words he knew best. “I hurt people. They don’t like me. No one wants to be my friend. Father and Mother said I’m a bad child. So I shouldn’t be allowed to go out.”

“You mean…” Koujaku swallowed down his throat. He wasn’t expecting this at all. “You never get to go out? At all?”

Noiz nodded. “I stay in my room all the time.”

His heart clenched. It hurt critically. He never knew about this. Whatever it was, there’s absolutely nothing too bad a child could do to earn him a lockup in his own room.

“It’s okay,” he said at long last. “We have time today, I’ll bring you to places, alright?”

Noiz looked up at him, a wide grin spread on his face; a gesture that had Koujaku’s heart skip a beat.

"Okay!”

His world was just so unpretentious – he was merely a child, and a child deserved no harsh treatments regardless of how bad a thing they could have done. If any, it was the parents’ responsibility to bring them back to the right path.

He was thinking about the first place they could stop by before his Coil rang. Stopping in the centre of the early Midorijima street, he took the call, immediately hearing a familiar voice.

“Koujaku-san, where are you?”

“Ah, Kou, what’s the matter?”

“Everyone’s looking for you.”

“What do you mean everyone’s looking for me?”

“You made several appointments with a few customers today, no?”

Oh. Oh yeah, right. He’d totally forgotten about it. He was supposed to attend to a few customers he promised from yesterday. He looked at Noiz, who was staring at him with curiosity written all over his face. He couldn’t possibly leave Noiz alone like this, even more so when he looked so lost and so thrilled of what Koujaku had promised him earlier.

He sighed.

“I’ll be in the shop soon. But I’ll leave early. Tell them to come quick.”

“Got it!”

He off his Coil, returning his attention to Noiz.

“Everything’s okay,” he said in response to Noiz’s bothered face. “But before we walk around, can we stop by my shop first? I have some work to finish.”

“Shop?”

“Yeah, I own a shop.”

“What do you do?”

“I cut hair,” Koujaku grinned.

“Cut hair?” Noiz reiterated. He touched his own hair, feeling the short strands.

“Sometimes I cut for you too,” Koujaku laughed.

“Can I watch?” Noiz continued.

“Of course you can.”

He’d need to make this quick. He couldn’t be spending his entire day having Noiz watch him cutting hair for others. But Noiz made no complaints as he sat in the corner of Koujaku’s shop, the same spot where the _normal_ Noiz would always sit when he visited. He observed in silence, eyes stuck on Koujaku’s every action, and even kept quiet when Koujaku’s customers approached him and talked to him. By the time he’s done with everyone he’d promised, it’s already noon. He quickly packed his things, closed his shop, and held Noiz’s tiny hand in his again.

“Shall we find a place to eat?” he wondered. “What do you like to eat?”

Noiz contemplated, a tiny frown appeared on his face.

“No need to think too hard,” Koujaku chuckled. “Just tell me the first thing that came into your mind.”

“Candies…” Noiz mumbled, sounding like a kid who had just done something wrong.

“Candies, huh? You like sweet things?” This impression wasn’t very far from the Noiz he knew, perhaps it’s something he’d grown fond towards ever since he was a kid then.

Noiz nodded.

“But we can’t have candies for lunch,” Koujaku looked around. “How about,” he paused, pointing at a _ramen_ stall in a far corner of the street. “we have a bowl of _ramen_ there, then we can get candies for ourselves?”

“What is _ramen_?” Noiz asked, his eyes brightened.

“You don’t know what _ramen_ is?” Koujaku asked instead, visibly astounded.

Noiz shook his head. “We only eat meat and soup at home.”

He’d suspected that Noiz wasn’t local, but the fact that he’d told him so brusquely of the very different kind of dish he was used to back home, it further strengthened Koujaku’s suspicions that he came from somewhere distant – somewhere that he’d never been to.

“ _Ramen_ is…” he explained, pushing the thought aside, forcing himself to leave questions for later. “…noodles, basically. But you can eat with different side dishes.”

“Oh, noodles,” Noiz nodded enthusiastically. “I know what’s that.”

“Great,” Koujaku chortled. “Let’s have noodles then.”

The more he interacted with this tiny Noiz, the more he realized how little he knew about Noiz. Everything this Noiz had been telling Koujaku was new. Despite the variance in his expression, he was obviously reserved, like a child who was under detention for mistakes he’d done. And the more he had this Noiz by his side, he came to understand how innocent a child’s world could be – the tiniest thing brightened his mood in the simplest way (like when Koujaku bought him a candy floss and the laugh he heard from Noiz had him wheezing in mild disbelief), he asked questions in a way so upfront Koujaku couldn’t help but wanting to help him understand the best way he could.

Noiz was… different, yet very similar to the Noiz he knew. He never had any intention to hurt anyone, everything he asked and did were taken with extra precaution. It reminded him of how Noiz really was, how he’d always observed for a long time before he blurted his question, or carried out any actions at all. Spending time with this Noiz was a refreshing experience, and it’s also something Koujaku would want to hold close to his heart.

He drew the best giggles out of him when they stopped by the playground after lunch, he took care of the small scratches he’d gotten himself when he ran too fast and fell. For the entire time, all Noiz did was stare as he tended his wounds, obviously shocked.

“Don’t your parents do this for you too?” Koujaku asked out of curiosity.

“They do but… not like this,” Noiz’s voice turned small at the end.

“How do they do it?” Koujaku asked again, trying not to sound too pestering.

“They’ll do it quick.”

“Quick?”

“Not so careful like you did.”

“Does it hurt?”

Noiz shook his head. “It doesn’t. Is it supposed to hurt?”

Koujaku’s breath trapped beneath his chest. Without answering, he pulled Noiz over, hugging his tiny body. He’s so… small, so fragile, and he didn’t mean it in just a physical sense, but him as a person as well. At this age, he’d chanced upon discriminations, even without him himself noticing. Perhaps he’d realize it sooner or later, but now, he knew nothing of it – he still saw the world as a beautiful place. Whatever his parents had done to him were natural, as if they were right. He blamed no one but himself – “ _It’s because I’m a bad child._ ” – and Koujaku wasn’t sure if he’d ever experienced this extent of pain before in his entire life.

He caressed Noiz gently on the back of his head, pressing his head against his shoulder.

“You’re a good child, Noiz, you’ve always been.”

Noiz probably didn’t understand what he implied, but he listened and most likely, accepted what Koujaku commented about him. Because at this very moment, Koujaku was nothing but an adult, and for Noiz, adult was always right, if any, he’s the one who’s at fault.

“Do you have anywhere else you want to go?” Koujaku asked when he separated their hug. He tried the best he could to conceal the weighty grief now surging extensively across his chest. He shouldn’t let Noiz see this side of him – he’s an adult, and he should be setting an example for Noiz, not portraying a pathetic self that would worry him instead.

“I…” Noiz trailed off. He seemed like he wanted to say something but he halted, for some reason.

“Just tell me,” Koujaku pushed.

“… rabbits,” Noiz said slowly.

“Hmm?”

“Rabbits,” he repeated, albeit clearer.

Koujaku couldn’t help but chuckle. Noiz being exceptionally attached to rabbits wasn’t something new to him. But no matter how many times Koujaku intended to draw the answer of why he’s so obsessed with them out of him, Noiz had always brushed him off, telling him that it’s nothing important for him to know.

“Let’s go and see some rabbits then,” Koujaku grinned, warm spread throughout his veins the moment he saw Noiz smile.

“We can?”

“Of course we can,” he said, standing up. “I promised to bring you around today, didn’t I?”

Noiz was… innocent; it’s the one impression Koujaku never thought he’d possess towards the brat from the first time he met him. He came across as this imprudent and tenacious man who couldn’t care less about what was happening around him. It was when he gradually opened himself up to Koujaku that Koujaku came to realize that he’s much more than that – that beneath the layer of dismissiveness was a layer of concern, of protectiveness, and of curiosity that he could never bring himself to show the world. Koujaku was a lucky man. He saw through Noiz across time, when he gave both himself and Noiz a chance to rework their very first impressions towards each other.

And now, he discovered another trait of Noiz that he still preserved, something that he had yet to notice until now.

He stared lovingly as Noiz ogled at the rabbit in the petting zoo, indulging himself in the genuine smile Noiz was wearing on his face now. It’s a face of a child, definitely. But it’s also Noiz.

"Why don’t you pet them?” he asked, crouching by Noiz’s side.

“I’ll hurt them,” Noiz said, eyes still stuck on the rabbits.

“You won’t,” Koujaku countered.

But Noiz refused to budge. His hands on his knees, he merely stared, until Koujaku lifted one of his hands and stretched it towards one of the nearest rabbits.

“You don’t need to touch them too hard,” Koujaku said nonchalantly. “Just like this… yeah, like this.” He guided Noiz to stroke the soft fur of the rabbit, watched as Noiz’s eyes brightened as the rabbit cuddled closer to him, nuzzling its nose against Noiz’s tiny palm.

“See? It likes it. You won’t hurt them.”

Noiz smiled, he smiled so glowingly that it hurt for Koujaku to see. He started touching the rabbit without the guidance of Koujaku’s hand, all the while with the same smile on his face.

“Why do you like rabbit so much?” Koujaku asked. He never gotten the answer from the Noiz he knew. Perhaps he could from the Noiz now, when he was obviously less defensive and more upfront when it came to talking about himself.

“They’re…” Noiz paused, seemingly trying to find his words. “They’re very small, and soft. I always wonder what they’re thinking. Do they feel sad too? Or happy? Do they have feelings?”

If he wasn’t in public, Koujaku swore he could’ve brought Noiz into another hug just so he could sustain the fatal pricking he was feeling against his chest. He never thought the answer could be so… simple, so innocent – just like that. He’d always imagined it to be something that held some sort of crucial life-changing incident, but it’s just like that – it’s simply because he was empathizing with the rabbits, just because he found them cute that he became attached to them.

It’s just like that. Nothing else.

“Noiz…” he mumbled under his breath. He didn’t know how long this situation would last but as he stared at the small body right in front of him, he came to realize how much he missed Noiz – the Noiz he was used to, the dismissive Noiz who’d always strike his best smirk when Koujaku did as much as portray a tiny hint of misery. He had so many things he wanted to tell him. He wanted to hug him, feel him in his embrace, knowing that his existence was real, knowing that he’s right here with him.

“Koujaku.”

When Noiz called him, he looked up, just to catch Noiz smiling at him.

“Let’s go home.”

It’s surreal how the very same words said by the very same person could make him feel so different in a different way. It’s only Noiz who could wrench this emotions out of him. It’s only Noiz who could make him feel emotions so overwhelming as if they were swallowing him from the inside.

He thought he never knew Noiz, he thought he already saw through him. But soon, he came to realize that it was a mix of both. He knew part of Noiz, but he never knew the most of him yet. He knew the parts that he knew was genuine, and yet, there were parts of him that he knew were still waiting for him to discover, waiting for Noiz to reveal to him.

There’s no need for them to rush. He knew that. And perhaps there’s a reason to why he was given this chance to interact with a younger Noiz now – just so he could come to realize how significant Noiz’s existence had marked his life, and how he had become a saviour to Noiz’s.

How both of them were each other’s saviour.

He stroked Noiz gently on the hair as he tucked him into bed. Noiz held onto his hand, as if afraid that he’d disappear when he woke. Koujaku returned the grasp with a firm grip of his own. How did it feel having to take care of a child? It’s a question that had been bothering him since yesterday, ever since that very same question disturbed Noiz. He wasn’t sure if he could handle a child very well yet, even after this. Noiz seemed to be happy, but he didn’t want to take it as an indication of him doing a good job looking after a child. Because he knew that it’s because he’s taking care of _Noiz_ that was helping him to make all the right choices.

“You won’t disappear when I wake?” Noiz asked softly, carefully.

Koujaku smiled. “No, I’ll be here.”

“Really?”

“Really. Promise.”

He leaned in, kissing Noiz on the forehead.

“I’ll always look after you. No matter how long time will pass, I’ll always be by your side. I promise you.”

Noiz closed his eyes with a smile, slowly drifting to sleep. Cuddling him closer, he hugged Noiz in his embrace, feeling yet again how small his body was, his mind filled with nothing but the intense desire to take care of Noiz from now on, so that he could replace all the unpleasant memories that Noiz had gone through when he was little with good ones that he’d be experiencing with Koujaku from now on.

 

* * *

 

 

He stared vacuously at the ceiling the next time he woke. Rays of sunlight had started pouring into the room when he opened his eyes. His mind dazed, he tried to recall what had happened, even though the details weren’t perfectly clear. He closed his eyes again, trying to remember as much as he could, only to feel a pair of hands hugging his body, urging him to snap his eyes open again.

He turned around, as slow as he could, and hitched a breath upon noticing the person by his side.

Noiz was sleeping soundly – he’s perfectly back to normal, his features strong and his body just a tad smaller than Koujaku’s, the exact size Koujaku was very much used to. As he continued staring, simply to make sense of what was happening, Noiz’s eyelashes flutter, then he opened his eyes.

“G’min…” he grumbled, inching closer to Koujaku, hot breath hitting Koujaku’s bare chest.

“Noiz…” Koujaku said out of reflex.

“Hmm?”

“You’re… back to normal.”

Noiz looked up then, gazing at Koujaku with thick curiosity.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you—you don’t remember?”

Noiz sat up, stretching and rubbing his eyes, his hair stood at all ends.

“The last thing I remember is you tying me up and me riding you and that’s about it.”

Heat rose to the tips of Koujaku’s ears upon hearing it. He remembered that to, but that wasn’t the only thing he remembered.

Did Noiz really… don’t remember anything at all?

“What’s wrong?” Noiz asked.

Was everything really a dream then? The smaller Noiz, the way he smiled at him, the way he held his hand – everything.

“I’m going to take a shower.” Seeing that Koujaku wasn’t answering his question, Noiz got out of the bed, heading towards the bathroom, assuming that Koujaku was still not fully awake yet.

Koujaku sat up, holding his head in his hands. Everything that had happened the previous day was so vivid, he could still remember how Noiz’s voice sounded like, how his hand felt in his, and the glint in his eyes that was so different yet so similar with this Noiz.

It couldn’t be a dream.

He stretched, reaching out to his Coil at his bedside table, checking the date just to find his eyes widened in surprise.

He’s right. One day was skipped since the night they had sex. Whatever happened yesterday…

… was real.

He lifted his gaze to the bathroom, where Noiz was showering. He couldn’t figure out what exactly happened. Did someone cast a spell on them? Did they experience some sort of time-alteration?

He couldn’t tell.

But, did he really need an answer?

He fell back on the bed, smiling a contented grin.

He didn’t need it. He didn’t need to know how everything happened, all that mattered to him was that he’d come to understand a part of Noiz that he never thought he’d be given a chance to.

And that he’d made a promise to Noiz – not only the Noiz from the past, but the Noiz now: to protect him, to be by his side regardless of what happened.

That’s all he needed to know.

Perhaps he could use this new knowledge to surprise Noiz sometimes, so that they could come fair and square when it came to catching each other off guard. That sounded like a good plan.

Yeah, it’s definitely a good plan.

 


End file.
